When were pigs made?
In the Saus-age.
What do pigs drive?
What would you call a pig driving a car?
A road hog.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs.
What do you call a pig's curly tail?
What do you call a pig with no legs?
Why didn't the piglets listen to the teacher pig?
Because he was an old boar.
What do pigs do after school?
Why did the three little pigs decide to leave home?
They thought their father was an awful boar.
What does the little pig get every morning from his parents?
Hogs and kisses.
Doctor, doctor, I've got a little sty.
Then you'd better buy a little pig.
Why did the pig run away from the pig sty?
He felt that the other pigs were taking him for grunted.
What kind of necktie does a pig wear.
What does a pig put on a scratch.
What does a pig go to hospital?
In a hambulance.
What do you call a crafty pig?
What does a pig use to write his term papers with?
Pen and Oink!
What's a pig's favourite ballet?
What do pigs write letters with?
What happened when the man stole a pig?
The pig squealed to the police.
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.
She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
A man was driving down the road in the country. He looked over and saw a baby pig in the field. He stopped and picked up the pig. A short while later he is driving around town with the pig in the car and a cop sees him and pulls him over. The Cop says, "Hey, what are you doing with that pig in the car?" The driver says, "Well, I just found the pig beside the road in the field." The cop says, "I don't care, I want you to take that pig to the zoo!" The driver agrees and drives off. The next day the cop sees the guy driving around again and pulls him over. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO TAKE THAT PIG TO THE ZOO!!" The driver replies, "Well I did take the pig to the zoo. We had such a good time we are going to the ball game now."
A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells "Pig!" The man immediately leans out his window and replied, "Hag!" They continue on their way and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
A farmer walks into a pub with a pig under his arm. "Why have you got a pig under your arm?" asks the bartender. "This isn't just any old pig," the farmer says, "This pig has twice saved my life. So, just to be on the safe side, I carry him about everywhere with me." "Oh really?" says the bartender, incredulously. "Yes, once I fell into the river and he jumped in and dragged me to the bank. Another time my house caught fire and he ran in and saved me, the wife and the kids." As the farmer is talking the bartender can't help noticing that the pig is missing a leg. "In which of those accidents did the pig lose its leg in?" he asks. The farmer replies: "Neither. An animal like this you don't eat all at once"
A pig walks into a bar and asks for 3 glasses of Coke, he drinks and drinks and drinks and when he's finished he asks the bartender where the bathroom is. The bartender tells him it's down there on the left and the pig goes off to the bathroom.
Then a second little pig walks in and asks for 10 glasses of Coke, he drinks and drinks and drinks and when he's finished he asks the bartender where the bathroom is. The bartender tells him it's down there on the left and the pig goes off to the bathroom.
Then another little pig comes in and asks for 100 glasses of Coke, he drinks and drinks and drinks and drinks and drinks. The bartender says "Aren't you going to ask where the bathroom is?" The pig says "No, I'm the little pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home."